the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
