Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Randomize
