I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
