Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize