guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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