I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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