Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
