Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
