I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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