Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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