The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
