Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
