I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
