Yo dont text me then not text me
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
