Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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