totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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