i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
