I wish my penis had an off switch
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
