Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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