This dress was meant to end up on your floor
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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