The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
