So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
