the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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