wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
