one word: firstdatebathroomanal
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
The air was thick with penises
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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