Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
My vagina just clenched in fear
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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