this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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