Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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