so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
