So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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