Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
