Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
