My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
