There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
