i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
