So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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