My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
