i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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