At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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