Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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