found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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