My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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