That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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