god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
