this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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