he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
