So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
