we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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