Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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