I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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