Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
you win again, gameday.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
