yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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