I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Pants are for mortals
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
