My cat gives me a boner
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
