I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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