Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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