I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
