3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
