ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize