I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I pour the whiskey from now on
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
