I think I can smell my own vagina right now
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
