He kissed a someone with a penis
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Randomize
