I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
