so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
