Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
