sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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