My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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