I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
