is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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